"If it's meant to be, it's up to me."
I was listening to a podcast yesterday on slow living and this quote from the host caught my attention. She used it to illustrate the type of mentality that she had before she chose to live more intentionally. The hustle mindset. It made me think of my own actions and how easy it is to think that everything is up to me. I just have to work hard and not take as much breaks and be productive all the time.
Right now I'm in college, doing my best to finish a degree. As much as I want to not do much and take everything easy, I do have a busy schedule. I want to do well in classes and I want to actually understand what I'm learning. What I'm trying to do is find balance with school, work and my life. Easier said than done of course but I'm making headway.
This week, after recovering from a stomach flu last weekend, I made sure I'm not over working myself by putting too much on my to-do list and my schedule. If I manage to finish two or three tasks in the day then I'm happy. So far, it's actually been really nice! I haven't felt as much anxiety or muscle tension from stress the same way I've been feeling the last couple of weeks before I got sick. Yesterday, after four days of not working out I got myself to start back up and it went great, because I'm not tired anymore and have more strength.
Next week will be my last week of classes this semester and the beginning of exam week. I have my first exam on Friday. I haven't studied for it as much yet. But you know what? I'm not panicking about it like I was. It was for the better too because now, I can think much more clearly, and everything I've been studying is actually being absorbed. I just need to tie up other loose ends for other class projects that need to be done and I can focus on preparing for the exams.
I know my life probably seems really trivial with all the school and work mundanity, but I'm actually learning a lot. I don't think life is supposed to be all high energy and excitement. I'm slowly learning how to appreciate the small little things that make up my days. Learning how to be a better student is part of the process. It's still hard, some days it feels like the end of the world but I'm getting better at being mindful so I can detach from those thought spirals.
Slow and steady is my motto for this life chapter.