I just listened to a podcast episode talking about creativity and skill learning and they were talking about the discomfort of learning new things. I knew I had to be comfortable with the discomfort but I didn’t realize how deeply I avoid failing. Even when I do practice quizzes for classes, I can’t stand the idea of getting the answers wrong that I just don’t do them sometimes. But then I don’t learn. I’m going to work on that because this is just insane that my thought is to give up instead of just repeat it again until I get it right.

First Impressions of Kill Hill Carnage

• Why I Picked It: this book got chosen because I saw Gab Smolders recommend it in one of her horror book wrap ups. she described it as a fast read slasher book. I don’t really have a lot of experience with slasher stories so this stood out to me.
• First Impressions: everyone was unlikeable, I honestly didn’t mind if all of them died in the end. the story is fun though, especially the mystery of it all.
• While Reading: got bored in some parts especially since I didn’t like any of the characters. when the pacing started ramping up though it became much more engaging.
• Final Thoughts: this is a solid recommendation for a slasher/horror book i’d say. it was gory but nothing too disgusting that turned me off, and I actually liked the ending, very fitting.
• Would I Recommend It? yes, especially if you’re a fan of monster horror books, one of the later sequences felt like I was watching a movie, it was great.

The Experience Log

• Where I Read It: in my room while sitting on my computer chair
• Mood It Gave Me: tension and thrill,I was so curious what was gonna happen next that I kept reading
• Three Things I Loved:
  • loved the pacing of the story, when the action started, I couldn’t stop reading
  • loved how short and to the point it is
  • loved that there was no extreme cheesiness even though there was a slight romance plot line
• One Thing That Bugged Me:
  **click to reveal spoiler**

  even though I know the author likes to genre bend, it kind of took a little bit of the scare factor for me when it was revealed that the main creature is an alien. heck, it even reminded me of certain inter-galactic races from multiple universe fantasy/litRPG books I've read. especially with the hatred for humans + using the planet as a food source. still enjoyed the story though. just kind of meh.
• Lingering Feeling: finishing this book made me want to finish other unfinished ones. maybe i’ll look for another short horror novel.

Finished reading: Kill Hill Carnage by Tim Meyer 📚

Weeknotes

Weekly Notes – [Week 1, December 1-6, 2025]

Life Snapshot

• Mood this week: focused but slightly stressed out
• Weather or vibe: hectic as fuck, exam seasons are the worst
• One word for the week: BUSY

Highlights

• Best moment: having dinner at a restaurant with my boyfriend and getting random free food (garlic parmesan bread sticks), it was soo good! but then again, free food always tastes better hahaha
• Something I learned: how to style my short hair using a heated round brush! I’ve had this tool forever but I just finally learned how to use it so my hair is all fluffy and volumized
• A challenge I faced: my eyeglasses lost a screw and my lens popped off. good thing I have contact lenses left because I had to order a repair kit online and I have to wait for it to come.

Hobbies & Creative Time

• Fibre Arts: I finished a beanie and one fingerless mitt! they’re both crochet and I took my time in making them. the yarn I used came from a frogged project that I didn’t want to continue anymore. I think it’s a good decision.
• Reading: the only reading I did was read Kill Hill Carnage by Tim Meyer for five minutes when I remembered it. i’m about 70% of my way through an admittedly short book. just really need to prioritize it over other hobbies so I can finally finish the story.
• Cooking/Baking: haven’t done much of this since the semester started this past September. I’m hoping i’ll get more time during the holiday break but we’ll see.
• Gaming: I started Winter Burrow a couple of weeks back and still haven’t picked it back up after doing nothing all day but play it one Sunday. It felt like such a waste of time. i’ll revisit that thought surrounding video games in the future because I enjoy them, I want a healthier relationship with it
• Journaling: experimented with bullet journaling this week because it felt too restricting using a mead planner I got from walmart. so far i’m enjoying it a lot. less pressure.
• Fitness: aside from all the walking while working, I haven’t really been intentionally working out except for wednesday when I did 40 minutes of strength training. I had the stomach flu last weekend so I was off working out for a week to recover.

Media Consumed

• Movies / TV Shows: some episodes of hemlock grove. i’ve never seen this show and so far it’s pretty interesting. i’m literally only in episode 4 though.
• Asian Dramas: i’ve been bouncing from one drama to the next recently. can’t seem to find any that catches my attention.
• Books: kill hill carnage by tim meyers. 70% of the way. will read it tonight before bed, yay!
• Games: nothing this week.

Gratitude Corner

Three things I’m grateful for:

1. i’m super grateful for how beautiful snow days are even though it feels cold outside. the brightness of the surroundings when sunlight hits the snow is super magical.
2. i’m grateful for friends who join me to study and who are super supportive and encouraging as well.
3. i’m super grateful for my continuous practice of meditation and how it has impacted my anxiety positively.

Looking Ahead

• One intention for next week: might not be the healthiest but study, study, study. exam is on friday and I don’t want to fail. just focus on my tasks one day at a time.
• One hobby I want to prioritize: crochet, because I want to be able to finish the other fingerless mitt so I can use them before the winter is over. i’ll prioritize reading another time after all the reading I need for exams.

P.S. food in the photo is my favorite food combos ever. any sort of cheesy bread and tomato soup. heaven!

After I finished the beanie, I still had a lot of the cream colored yarn leftover. So I decided to start making fingerless gloves. Every time I’m on campus and I’m working on my laptop, my hands start getting too cold. I don’t want to wear gloves because I can’t feel the keyboard well. I think this will be an accessory that will be used often.

I just finished one of the gloves, time to make the other one. I’m 100% sure I’ll still have leftover yarn from this but I think I’m gonna make a huge hair bow to use when my hair gets a bit longer and I can tie it up. Again, I’m taking my time with these projects, I don’t want to just make it for the sake of the product. I want to enjoy the process too.

That’s it for project updates. I hope it doesn’t take me forever to finish the other one.

Pattern is called Textured Fingerless Gloves by CarolAnne Creations. I found it on Ravelry when I was searching for free accessory patterns using DK weight yarn in crochet. I’m kind of in a crochet kick right now after being steeped in knitting for a good chunk in the beginning of the year. The yarn I’m using is the same as the beanie, Paintbox yarns, DK.

"If it's meant to be, it's up to me."

I was listening to a podcast yesterday on slow living and this quote from the host caught my attention. She used it to illustrate the type of mentality that she had before she chose to live more intentionally. The hustle mindset. It made me think of my own actions and how easy it is to think that everything is up to me. I just have to work hard and not take as much breaks and be productive all the time.

Right now I'm in college, doing my best to finish a degree. As much as I want to not do much and take everything easy, I do have a busy schedule. I want to do well in classes and I want to actually understand what I'm learning. What I'm trying to do is find balance with school, work and my life. Easier said than done of course but I'm making headway.

This week, after recovering from a stomach flu last weekend, I made sure I'm not over working myself by putting too much on my to-do list and my schedule. If I manage to finish two or three tasks in the day then I'm happy. So far, it's actually been really nice! I haven't felt as much anxiety or muscle tension from stress the same way I've been feeling the last couple of weeks before I got sick. Yesterday, after four days of not working out I got myself to start back up and it went great, because I'm not tired anymore and have more strength.

Next week will be my last week of classes this semester and the beginning of exam week. I have my first exam on Friday. I haven't studied for it as much yet. But you know what? I'm not panicking about it like I was. It was for the better too because now, I can think much more clearly, and everything I've been studying is actually being absorbed. I just need to tie up other loose ends for other class projects that need to be done and I can focus on preparing for the exams.

I know my life probably seems really trivial with all the school and work mundanity, but I'm actually learning a lot. I don't think life is supposed to be all high energy and excitement. I'm slowly learning how to appreciate the small little things that make up my days. Learning how to be a better student is part of the process. It's still hard, some days it feels like the end of the world but I'm getting better at being mindful so I can detach from those thought spirals.

Slow and steady is my motto for this life chapter.

After one year, I decided to get a haircut. My hair is so fine that long hair just flattens it out too much. It’s the first time I’ve cut my hair this short though. I’ve always wanted to but I didn’t feel comfortable when I was still bigger. I thought I would look like an egg lol. I love it though!

I haven’t been meditating for long and I mostly use guided ones but am I glad I started it. It has made such a difference with my daily levels of anxiety and how I cope with stress around me. I honestly thought it wouldn’t do anything for me. It’s very subtle, but I’m not as reactive anymore.

Some thoughts I have regarding writing and blogging:

1. I have so many thoughts running in my head but I’m scared to share it in the wide web.

2. At the same time I have this urge to put them somewhere more than mt physical notebooks. Any place where they can stand free on their own and serve as memento of how I think at this age, at this time of my life.

3. I want to be freer when expressing myself in general. Years of shutting myself up to not offend is a hard habit to break. I don’t want to be scared of even talking about my feelings without fear of judgement.

4. It’s actually fun to read other peoples’ blogs thay are very diary/journal type! Used to read a ton of those in the early days of the 2010s. I’m glad to have discovered them again.

5. Just writing in general was a skill I’ve been avoiding for the longest time growing up. Weird, I know. But being the anxious kid that I was, I could not fathom how to even begin writing essays in schools and I always overthought everything. Did I really know fact a, b, or c? Or am I making that up? Do I need to absolutely know everything in order for my opinions to be valid? Ahhhh so much wild things to think of. Now I want to get rid of that doubt. Seems like a small thing but it has been holding me back in a way.

6. People don’t need to read anything I write. I just want to cast it into the void and let it stay there.

7. I hope in a thousand years or so my little blog would be part of a study by future humans (or more haha) of how life was like in 2025. From a 30 year old who just got their shit together.

I don’t think I strive to be the most refined writer out there. I just want my own voice to shine through. I think I can do that.

Just had a long conversation with a friend about how we have so much creative and childish fantasies in our head but we can’t do it because we’re poor. All our time is being siphoned to make money so we could have a semi-decent future. I still have hope for the world but right now it’s really hard.

I finally finished my beanie! Just in time for all the snow to come in. It took me a lot longer than I usually would. Mostly because I actually took my time to finish it. It wasn’t a priority, just something I can do at the end of a long day. Back then, my priorities were all over the place. I would procrastinate to the nth and would finish a book or sprint through a project rather than do what actually mattered (aka school or work). In the spirit of trying to change for the better and also not injure myself, this time I managed to stretch out this project in about a week.

The difference? I actually appreciate it more, unsurprisingly. The size was the right one, I remembered for the most part how to do the project, and I now know where this particular yarn went. I have so much more projects that I made just cause and in the future I’ll unravel them and re-use the yarn into something different but for now, here’s to learning how to slow down.

I can’t wait to think of what project I want to do next.

This is so good! If I could stuff my face with it I 100% would but I have to stop myself from inhaling this much sugar 😂 will have to grab some more before the holidays end because I have a feeling this is a seasonal flavor. My second favorite ritter sport would be the pretzel one. Crunchy!

Current project. I’ve been taking my time with them now. It’s gonna be a beanie, which is perfect because snow’s finally here. I love frogging old projects to reuse the yarn. Probably why I still haven’t made a dent in my huge stash lol yarn is paintbox DK. To pompom or not to pompom?

Some days it’s just so hard to stick to resting. I was sick over the weekend and I couldn’t workout at all the whole time. Its been three whole days since I started feeling better and now I feel all guilty and want to get back to it. Reminder to myself: taking a whole week off will not set you back.

So thankful I’ve developed so many great habits this past year. They’ve been saving me so much. I used to be super bad at realizing when I’m too tired until I’ve burned out but with the combination of fixing my sleep, diet, exercise and a healthy dose of meditation I’ve been in a better state.

I’m still not the best at knowing when I’ve done too much but I’m getting better. Therapy over the years taught me that it’s okay to cry to release stress and that has been my go-to when I’m overwhelmed. At least now I know when I’m feeling tired at the end of the day and I’m not pushing myself to keep on going anymore.

Do something or nothing, life will move on around me so it has been good practice to let things go. I hope in the new year I’ll be even more compassionate towards myself and let go of so much self-hatred. Here’s to life long goals!

About a quarter of all the physical books I have. I’ve been too into e-books these days because they’re too convenient but I’ve barely touched any physical ones. It doesn’t really help that I’m blind as a bat without my glasses and I can’t make the font size bigger in the books 😂 I’ll still try.

This has been in my currently reading for a couple of months now. Still trying to push through cause it is interesting. I didn’t realize how boring egyptian mythology is to me over other ones. My goal is to finish this book before the year ends. Good luck to me!

Another day, another attempt at leaving traces on myself online. This time I hope it would stick. I promise not to overthink it, I’ll share snippets of whichever hobby I’m engaging in out of my multiple choices. I am not one-dimensional. I have plenty of interests and I will write about all of them.