Woke up in fight or flight because my parents and sibling are having a screaming match. Heard the sibling start crying from anger and it just triggered me into a rage and unfortunately I was blinded by anger and joined in on the fight. You’d think we’re in teenagers right? Nope, grown adults, still living with our parents because of money issues. I’m working on my finances so I can move out soon but man, having emotionally immature parents is exhausting. They never understand, they’re so scared of their own emotions. God forbid we even get angry or feel any negative feelings towards them. Now my dad exploded on me, asking me why I never tell them anything about my life, then proceeded to tell me my life isn’t going well because I’m not a practicing Catholic and I don’t pray enough.

I told them I don’t trust them enough and that my life isn’t their business. Now they took it as extreme disrespect because I didn’t help them regulate theit emotions. How? What they don’t know about me makes them feel anxious. I need to tell them stuff to alleviate their anxiety. It’s not gonna work that way. I’m tired of being their emotional punching bag. It’s always us kids that need to adjust to them. Mom has severe anger issues? We adjust. We don’t trigger her. If she gets triggered, we tolerate it because “she just needs to vent” and then she eventually calms down. Dad has severe anxiety? We stop whatever it is that makes him anxious so the anxiety goes away.

God this is so much. I’m not even blaming them anymore for what happened with my life. I’m working to fix mine but it’s taking time. It took me years to even figure shit out about why I feel so alone even when I’m with them. Shit happens, emotions rise and fall. But today it’s finally clicked in me that they can be nice people and be shit parents at the same time. The intention is to do good but damn the execution is insanely flawed and now that they want a closer family relationship with us, it’s just not gonna happen the way they want it to.

I’m tired of feeling all the guilt I shouldn’t even be having. I’m tired of the passed on anxiety of things I don’t even know is gonna happen. I’m tired of catering to emotionally immature parents who can’t even see their own behaviours and reflect on it. I’m working on getting out of this house, it feels like a crawl sometimes but I’ll get there. You never really know what happens behind closed doors.

This semester’s going great so far. I don’t have to be on campus the whole week, I have time to eat, sleep and work out and I even have a cute teacher! I’m not doing anything with that last one though but a little semester crush that keeps me coming to school is appreciated.

Such a simple task but I really enjoy doing laundry. I find it very relaxing and folding the clothes after is almost like meditation. Thankful I can enjoy even the smallest things.

I finished my last final exam today! I’m finally free for this semester! I’m so happy and relieved I took a long, fat nap when I got home. Well deserved I must say, it has been a rough semester. I’m glad it’s over.

Weeknotes

Weekly Notes – [Week 1, December 1-6, 2025]

Life Snapshot

• Mood this week: focused but slightly stressed out
• Weather or vibe: hectic as fuck, exam seasons are the worst
• One word for the week: BUSY

Highlights

• Best moment: having dinner at a restaurant with my boyfriend and getting random free food (garlic parmesan bread sticks), it was soo good! but then again, free food always tastes better hahaha
• Something I learned: how to style my short hair using a heated round brush! I’ve had this tool forever but I just finally learned how to use it so my hair is all fluffy and volumized
• A challenge I faced: my eyeglasses lost a screw and my lens popped off. good thing I have contact lenses left because I had to order a repair kit online and I have to wait for it to come.

Hobbies & Creative Time

• Fibre Arts: I finished a beanie and one fingerless mitt! they’re both crochet and I took my time in making them. the yarn I used came from a frogged project that I didn’t want to continue anymore. I think it’s a good decision.
• Reading: the only reading I did was read Kill Hill Carnage by Tim Meyer for five minutes when I remembered it. i’m about 70% of my way through an admittedly short book. just really need to prioritize it over other hobbies so I can finally finish the story.
• Cooking/Baking: haven’t done much of this since the semester started this past September. I’m hoping i’ll get more time during the holiday break but we’ll see.
• Gaming: I started Winter Burrow a couple of weeks back and still haven’t picked it back up after doing nothing all day but play it one Sunday. It felt like such a waste of time. i’ll revisit that thought surrounding video games in the future because I enjoy them, I want a healthier relationship with it
• Journaling: experimented with bullet journaling this week because it felt too restricting using a mead planner I got from walmart. so far i’m enjoying it a lot. less pressure.
• Fitness: aside from all the walking while working, I haven’t really been intentionally working out except for wednesday when I did 40 minutes of strength training. I had the stomach flu last weekend so I was off working out for a week to recover.

Media Consumed

• Movies / TV Shows: some episodes of hemlock grove. i’ve never seen this show and so far it’s pretty interesting. i’m literally only in episode 4 though.
• Asian Dramas: i’ve been bouncing from one drama to the next recently. can’t seem to find any that catches my attention.
• Books: kill hill carnage by tim meyers. 70% of the way. will read it tonight before bed, yay!
• Games: nothing this week.

Gratitude Corner

Three things I’m grateful for:

1. i’m super grateful for how beautiful snow days are even though it feels cold outside. the brightness of the surroundings when sunlight hits the snow is super magical.
2. i’m grateful for friends who join me to study and who are super supportive and encouraging as well.
3. i’m super grateful for my continuous practice of meditation and how it has impacted my anxiety positively.

Looking Ahead

• One intention for next week: might not be the healthiest but study, study, study. exam is on friday and I don’t want to fail. just focus on my tasks one day at a time.
• One hobby I want to prioritize: crochet, because I want to be able to finish the other fingerless mitt so I can use them before the winter is over. i’ll prioritize reading another time after all the reading I need for exams.

P.S. food in the photo is my favorite food combos ever. any sort of cheesy bread and tomato soup. heaven!